Of ropes and boulders
So it's been a little while since I've posted, and truthfully I'm not sure exactly even what will come out of this post. My heart feels a little torn right now because of several things. In no particular order here are some drastically different thoughts that somehow relate together into the big question of "what am I doing?"First, I find extremely disheartening our response to a catastrophic earthquake that has killed many, which in itself is bad enough because it created significant emotional suffering on those who have survived, but more pressing on my mind is the lack of response to the fact that there are now a couple million (if I'm not mistaken) people without homes and winter is fast approaching the mountains. I cannot begin to comprehend the idea of enduring freezing temperatures and snow with nothing to shelter you. It's like something in me just wants to buy my wife and I plane tickets over there and take all the money we have over there and purchase some tents to take to these people, which obviously is not practical and even discouraged by the relief organizations I have read info from, but I am tired of just being desensitized to the world beyond my little sphere (which by the way is a cush palace compared to the vast majority of this place we call earth). However, I understand there is a place of support for everyone and for many donating some money and dropping to our knees in prayer for God's work to be done through this is exactly the place we need to be. But what if, just maybe, that place is riding through the rain on the back of a flatbed trailer loaded with tents and food to give to those in need and a heart to let them know about a far greater need that can be met only by Jesus. What if my passion for doing something off the wall and extreme and labor intensive is put there by God and meant to be acted upon?
Which leads into the second thing on my mind; why do I spend so much time searching inwardly, dreaming far fetched outward dreams and not enough time loving the partner God provided me in my beautiful wife. Why is it that I can be distracted by many things (many of which are good) and forget my bride. My earthly wife is meant to be a picture of the Church as the bride of Christ who he gave himself up for and yet I'll ignore mine to dream about other things. So how does having a bride to give myself up for fit into the idea of doing something extreme that very probably is not an enviornment conduscive to being a good husband? Rhoda, I love you madly, and I will give myself up for you and God will show me what that means.
Thirdly, along the same lines; in all my dreaming why do I forget about the fact that I have a family that God has made me part of that I often don't have a clue what's going on with them? What about the idea of packing up and heading back to Texas where I can find myself back a part of the lives that I started out part of and Rhoda can find herself reconnected to many of the ones that she started out a part of. What exactly is it that God has me doing here in South Florida? Yeah, I love working with the youth at our church here and yeah there is a need for the good news of Jesus here, but is there not the same need almost anywhere else you go? Am I really just here because I found a job here and how tied am I to this corporate machine that so plagues America with this lie that we have to get and consume above all other things?
May the wisdom and grace of God make clear what is the next step.
posted by jc @ 10/16/2005 10:26:00 PM
3 comments
